


there's a web of lies (we're both tied up in it)

by phanofstars



Series: across the trail of stars [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, F/M, cyberpunk nonsense, if you want plot go read my pbb, more of a character exploration than plot, the fic that created the world of my pbb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 23:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16922133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanofstars/pseuds/phanofstars
Summary: The fic that mostly inspired my pbb, a drabble about that universe's PJ





	there's a web of lies (we're both tied up in it)

PJ isn’t stupid, he knows what’s going on. You don’t get to be one of the top Spectres the Travellers have without seeing at least part of the web of lies and deception that cover the whole organisation. The carefully worded orders passed to only the most trusted- or more likely the most expendable- agents can only pass you by so many times before you begin to spot the patterns and like so many things, once they are seen they cannot be unseen. One loose thread and the whole illusion unravels. He learns to avert his gaze when messages from certain names pop up on the Commander’s screen. Some things are best not to know if he wants to be able to look his commanding officer in the face when he is given his orders.

His orders are mostly innocent- it’s one of the things he is most thankful for. Missions to scout out new trading routes (he dreads to think what the goods being traded are), monitoring people, delivering messages, these are all things he has done. He isn’t “useful” enough for the big jobs, he keeps his head down and his mask of indifference firmly in place.  
PJ hates it.

This isn’t what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to explore the universe- and sure he does that now, sometimes, when he isn’t watching his back and letting his eyes slide over another encrypted message that pops up on the Commander’s screen while he is being de-briefed. He wanted to be a good person, but good isn’t an option since he joined. Telling himself he didn’t have a choice when he joined the Travellers doesn’t help (because he did, he did have a choice back in the old mining outpost on Taar but he chose the escape of the stars over the rusty walls of the habitats and the haunting memory of his mother’s last words. The stars trapped him anyway, no matter how far he ran.)

It isn’t as simple as just leaving anymore, not now. He has friends to protect and people to help, and anyway the only way to leave the Travellers is dumped in a waste pit on some unknown planet with your tech ripped out and no identifying features. It’s not a fate he wants (but you don’t really have the privilege to choose your fate, not here).

There’s another reason he can’t leave, but it’s one he can’t say- for then he will be useful and the useful ones always die first. The bionic chamber glows faintly blue in the darkness, lighting up her sleeping features as she floats gently in the blue gel. The scars have almost faded, he notes- the external ones anyway. The internal ones take longer to heal, and her mind is still not ready to wake up to this hellish reality.  
She’s still as beautiful as she was the first day PJ had to send her a carefully worded order and watch her lovely face turn grim.

He places a hand to her tank, barely touching it, unable to bring himself to dirty the tank with his handprint. They could find out he’s been here, in this dark room on a disused corridor with the only sounds the soft beep of a life support machine. They could find all the soft smiles and stolen kisses and the brushing of hands as he was forced to sign her onto death mission after death mission.

He won’t let them. That is his, not theirs. It’s the only thing they have left to take from him.  
He brushes a hand across Sophie’s tank and whispers  
“You deserve better. We deserved so much better.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it


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